I miss you...

To see you when I wake up is a gift I didn't think could be real
To know that you feel the same as I do is a three-fold utopian dream
You do something to me that I can't explain
So would I be out of line if I said
I miss you
I see your picture, I smell your skin on the empty pillow next to mine
You have only been gone ten days but already I'm wasting away
I know I'll see you again whether far or soon
but I need you to know that I care
and I miss you
-Incubus

A day off... bleh

I had the day off today. It was assesment day at school. Only freshman and juniors have to take the assesment test and since I'm a sophomore, I got the day off. Can't complain about that. The weather was really crappy today though. All last night and today there have been severe thunderstorms with tornado watches and warnings off and on.

I've been tired a lot lately. I feel like sleeping all the time. I think it's because I've been sad. I've really been missing Tony. I come home to an empty home every day and go to bed by myself every night. I've never been good at being alone. For a few days maybe...then I start to get lonely. I haven't felt like doing anything . I just want to sleep. Of course, the more time I spend being idle, the more I dwell on it, and the worse it gets. So... I make myself do homework and keep the house relatively clean. I look forward to visiting Tony, but I don't look forward to saying goodbye again. The worst thing about this kind of pain is that there is nothing I can do to make it go away. I can distract myself and ignore it...but it never goes away.

TORNADO!

Very early Sunday morning...around 2a.m. I was awakened by a thunder storm. I was irritated and just wanted to go back to sleep. I couldn't though because of the lightening flickering in through the window, the sound of the wind against the house, and the thunder booming outside my window. To make matters worse some sort of allarm went off. I thought, "Okay that is a severe thunder storm warning... like we can't tell that already." Finally, it stopped, and I resumed trying to fall back to sleep. Then, I heard this strange noise...it was like wind, but different. It sounded kind of like someone blowing in to a bottle but bigger...and it sounded like it was coming closer. Then, the power went out, and the noise got further away. I thought, "That was strange, I wonder what that was?" Then, I got up and went in the guest room so that I could get some sleep. The wind and rain didn't sound so loud in there. Just when I was finally starting to fall asleep my cell phone rang. I picked up the phone and looked to see who was calling me in the middle of the night. It was my mother-in-law. I groaned, thinking that she was just calling to see if I was scared. I wasn't, I just wanted to go to sleep. So, I turned off the phone and rolled over. The next morning I decided to call her and see what she wanted. She was upset. She said, "Heather, I was calling you because there was a tornado in your city and I wanted you to go down to the basement!" I was shocked... I had NO idea that it was that serious. I felt really bad then for not answering my phone when she called. Just as I was about to get off the phone my brother-in-law and his wife pulled up. They came to check on me since Debby didn't get ahold of me that night. I told them what happened and they went back home. A little while later I decided to go for a walk to see exactly how close the tornado was. As I walked down the street I started seeing some broken branches... then a leaning telephone poll. I walked up over this hill and couldn't beleive what I saw. It looked like the neighborhood had been bombed. It was awefull. I walked down and asked people if they needed any help or anything else. Everyone said that they were okay and had everything taken care of.I walked back home and tried to get some homework done. I had a hard time focusing though...

Thanksgiving

Last night I got some good news. I will be flying out to see my husband for Thanksgiving! I am so glad that I will get to see him. I was really sad when I found out that he wouldn't be coming out this way like I expected. YAY!

Outside looking in

I just got some good news from my mom. It seems as though my little sister Robin has scored an awesome job. I am SO happy for her. It's funny, I remember when she and I were teenagers. We used to fight ALL the time about stupid stuff. We have shared a room off and on since we were kids. In high school she and I shared clothes. When I moved back home after being released from the Coast Guard she and I got close and hung out all the time. She was upset when I got married and moved away. It makes me sad when I think about it. I feel like I ambandoned my family in California. I wasn't there when my little brother and sister got their drivers licenses... or when they started college. I will be there when they get married... but will I be there when they have their first child... how often will I get to see their children? Will they know who I am when I come to visit?

I remember when my husband was in the Coast Guard and we had just gotten married. He had to go away to "A" school for five months. I lived with his parents while he was gone. I got to see my first niece all the time. When Tony finished school, I moved back to Alabama. The next time I saw my niece she didn't remember me... it really hurt. I don't want it to be like that with my brother and sister's kids.